Blogs by
Dr Mithila Desai

Each one inspired by a unique experience!


Thoughts are not facts

Thoughts influence the way you feel. The very darkest thoughts usually lead to depression, whereas anxiety usually stems from thoughts about being judged or hurt. And, of course, people often have both types of thoughts.

Negative Thoughts are only Powerful when You Believe Them !

5 ways to handle them

1. Stay in the present moment. Be conscious of your thoughts do not make it your belief system.
2. Keep yourself busy and occupied, Breathe for 10 mins in 6-3-9 sequence. Don’t analyse the situation too much
3. Don’t criticise yourself for your mistakes, when the negative thought come up say “ not true”
4. Visualise the image was if the thought shrinking until it disappears
5.change your pattern of negative thinking by adding a new routine to your thought process, daily affirmations or mindful meditation.


Moving on

Moving away from toxic relationships.

A toxic relationship is a very unhealthy one. It often leaves people feeling worthless and insecure. These types of relationships can be so destructive and they can severely damage a person’s self-esteem.

A toxic relationship causes people to question everything about themselves. They find themselves doubting everything they do and feel and consequently they are unable to relax and be themselves. In addition to this they spend more time worrying about the other person and about what is going on for them, rather then focusing on themselves.

Relationship doesn’t only mean a romantic or intimate one. While people can have toxic relationships with their partners, they can also have them with their friends and family members. It is really important to take stock and actually look at the relationships in your lives. In order to evaluate who in your life makes you feel good about yourself, and who in your life causes you pain and heartache.

Pain and heartache doesn’t only come from the obvious things such as physical or emotional abuse. Toxic relationships can also be a lot more subtle and there can be other signs that you are in one.

A toxic relationship is one where you never feel that you are good enough. The person that you are in this relationship with will often put you down, laugh at you or make jokes about your personality or the things that you do. This can all be done in jest, but it is a way of putting you down and making you feel inadequate. The way that they speak to you can leave you feeling paranoid and judged. The relationship can also leave you doubting yourself and questioning any decisions that you make in your life.

Another major sign of being in a toxic relationship is that you are never truly able to relax and be yourself around the person you are in the relationship with. If people feel unable to be open and also feel on edge when they are with someone, then this is a sure sign that the relationship is destructive for them.

This could mean that a person puts on a totally different persona when they are around this person – to such an extent that they don’t even recognise who they are (and nor do other people). They find themselves behaving in a way that isn’t them – just to connect to this person and to relate to them. They may even start questioning the things they normally do or believe in, finding themselves thinking that this person is always right.

Other signs of a toxic relationship are when a person always makes everything about them. If they permanently focus on what they want and they need, and never think about what you want and you need, then this is a definite sign of a toxic relationship. Perhaps they get envious or jealous when things go well for you, or they can’t handle it when you are in a happy or good place.

If a person tries to bring you down, if they question what is good for you, or if they mock the things that make you happy, then these are all definite signs that you are in a toxic relationship. A relationship that is destructive and brings you down can impact on your self-esteem, your confidence, as well as your physical and mental wellbeing. It can bring you down, and make you feel very lost and low.

If you are aware of a relationship that tries to hold you back that bring you down, that makes you doubt who you are or if you know that you’re in a relationship that causes you pain or stress, then maybe it is time to question things and make some positive changes.

Below are a list of things that can really help –

Putting some space between you and this person is the first step to making a change in your life.

Talking about the impact they have on you to others can also help.

Be mindful of how you feel when your around them and how you feel when your not.

Write things down to help you can clarity – this way you can look back at the things they have said and done.

Become more aware of the damage that they do – awareness is the first step towards active change.

Gain insight into who you really are.

Learn more about your identity.

Spend time doing the things that you love.

Increasing your self confidence and self-esteem. The better you feel about yourself the more strength you will have.

Surround yourself with people that make you feel good – those that you laugh with, smile with, feel at ease with, talk openly with etc

Finally start counselling if you can.

Counselling can really help with all of this and it enables people to break destructive patterns. It also helps them to value who they are, and to believe in themselves. It gives people the opportunity to start to follow their dreams, to recognise what their hopes are and to be aware of when someone is trying to pull them down or put them down.

At young achiever’s we are dedicated to offering a great counselling service, and to enabling people to believe in who they are. Our therapists work hard to allow people to feel good enough and to ensure that they don’t let other people (and their negativity) bring them down.


Untangling the twisted thinking.

How much time do you spend worrying what others think about you ?

I love the quote – you were born an original – don’t die a copy. This couldn’t be more powerful. Too much time is spent trying to confirm , to please and to be what we feel we ‘should’ be.

In our pursuit to be happy we make ourselves more and more unhappy...

I do a lot of work with clients around building self esteem and learning about self-worth. Once people have over come many challenges in their therapy and addressed a lot of issues – there is often a theme.

A theme of learning self-acceptance. Of learning to value and appreciate themselves. This is part of the journey of therapy – enabling people to grow, to develop and to learn to be ok in their own skin.

The colours people love, the clothes they embrace and wear as a part of their identity. The music they listen too, the books they read, the hobbies they have. This is all a fundamental part of identity – and when these things get lost – a person feels truly lost. They don’t know who they are any more and then they need to begin to the journey. They journey of finding themselves

There are a few signs that may tell you that you are worrying too much. Here are some of the signs below:

You’re afraid to say what you really think or believe.

Constantly thinking that people are upset with you when they really aren’t.

You do things that you don’t really want to do and then regret it afterward.

You find it hard to do something different and may be too scared to do so.

The active avoidance of certain people, mainly due to the fact you are scared that they don’t really like.

You do what others tell you to do and find it hard to make decisions.

Step back for a moment – look around you. What makes you who you are??

Do you have favourite flowers? Buy them for yourself. Do you have favourite feel good music?

Make a playlist.

Do you love candles? Light them.

Favourite books? Read them.

Do you love yoga – make time for it.

Do you love pictures? Print some – when was the last you framed some of your favourite photos?

Do you like to draw or paint – make it happen?

Do you love writing?? Blog, write, journal – keep that diary!

If you are a runner – run again

Go on – treat yourself. But make sure there is some colour. Colour represents our feelings – get some brightness in your life. But also choose what makes “you ‘“you as a unique Person Do Invest your time wisely.

Give it to who and what makes you feel good. Enjoy your favourite foods and drinks.

Stop thinking about the “should “ in life – and go for the sparkle!!!! Find yours. And I promise you will feel so much happier.

All of the above can really help people in moving forward and finding a healthy way of manging and coping with things.

But In case it doesn’t you can always seek our help